ok, so being in the midst a of a bit of a freak out, i thought i'd try to blow off steam by writing, as well as try to use it as a tool to get a handle on my thinking.
i have jury duty tomorrow. this hits every trigger point for anxiety for me - being on time, finding parking, talking with strangers (at length, i can small talk easily), planning the boys' childcare and asking friends to help, being away from the boys all day, not getting done any of the small things i usually do at home, and feeling completely like a jerk and out of control because i can't get a handle on how i'm feeling. probably one of the biggest is not knowing when it will end. i hate open-ended activities! i like to know the start and end time, it helps me be much more patient.
i feel UGH! my body is very tense, i have a headache, my thoughts are racing, and i can't get anything done because i can't focus long enough to do it. i can't think through the day well enough because of this out of control feeling, so i am feeling on edge that i am forgetting something, something CRUCIAL AND OH NO IT'S the UGH!
it's extra frustrating because when i step back and look at the situation logically, it is all ok. i will probably be more or less on time, there is a map to where to park, i will pack for the boys as best i can, but they do in fact have 2 parents who are quite competent, not to mention the women caring for the boys are all friends, moms themselves of kids the same age, and seemed agreeable to helping. there really is no catastrophe here.
i'm trying to calm down by focusing on small tasks that i know help me feel like i'm accomplishing something, like sweeping. then the floor is clean and looks more organized, i have gotten something done, and the action of getting anything done usually helps get more things checked off, much like writing a sentence, any sentence, helps the rest of the paper get written.
now i am getting ready to fold laundry, a repetitive, organizing task. i hoped writing would blow off steam, help me organize my thoughts, and see the logic in black and white. i'm still feeling hungry though and a little agitated.
on the plus side, they do pay $12 for the first day of jury duty, so hey!
Wow, I have had some of the same issues with jury duty and can relate to your worry, I wish you an easy, short time, no traffic and no anxiety!!! Like you said about the sentences for the paper, once you're there, you're that much closer to being through.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it'll all go smoothly, and I hope that you get an interesting case!
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